TGIF – 10/13/06

I like it when I look forward to the weekends when the kids are here.  I have a positive outlook (rare) and that usually helps things a bit.  But man I am tired for some reason tonight.  Like a saturday with the kids I spoke of before.   Just very tired.  But its all good.

I had no idea it was Master’s birthday today.  Then again, how would I?  We have not gotten  into such particulars as of yet, this is just the beginning, and almost surreal at the moment.  At times I still wonder if this is real, if I am really doing this, if He is really real and will be what I hope for.  Time will tell.

I still have not heard from His other slave.  I had sent the IM message, but nothing yet.

I absolutely lovce the slave register site.  I find the discussions thought provoking and helpful. I think will use it as a valuable resource.  I will have to inquire with Master as to how He will allow His slave to interact on this site.  As well as many other things Master and i must speak of before this is officially official.

A Day Without

*this is the stupidest thing…it saves sometimes and doesn’t other times*

MY DAY….AGAIN.

A whole day without Master.  I thought about Him, but it was ok.  Our conversations had been pretty regular.

I did get a lot of work done, but I don’t think that was all on account of Master’s absence.  I was in a good mood and didn’t have too many interruptions at work.

And I found out my funds are on the way from the state.  Whew!  That’s a lot less stress….I think…off my shoulders.  Hope its not a case of less stress in one area more in another. 

So with my raise on the way, I will definitely have to get my own place, so that my expenses still stay accurate in the eyes of the state so I can still get as much from him as I am entitled.  He’s such a poor thing.  God I’m gonna enjoy this.  I will never be nice and sympathetic and cordial to him ever again.  I’ve just been stupid to be that way to begin with.  I am gonna do everything in my power to enjoy life and rub it in.

And the Girl Scout meeting was kewl tonight as well.  I am definitely going to want to be more involved in that.  I love little girls.  My co worker said she thought I should be a school teacher.  Yeah, in a perfect world where I don’t have to pay bills.  Its a shame.  Maybe once I become wealthy…naa.  Perhaps more involved in Girls Scouts and Boy Scouts.  Sounds good to me.

Now off to bed with His slave.

A Day Without

Looking Up

Despite my constant feeling that I am not getting things accomplished at work because of snags in the processes, I am having a good day. 

I almost wore a perfect outfit for Master.  Hose was my issue.  But we’ve come up with a solution to that until I can get enough thigh highs…cut the crotch out of the hose. 

Master seems very excited for our meeting.  I am not anxious yet, not sure if I will be.  I feel good.  Perhaps that bout of PMS subsided.

Oh and I should be getting my promotion and raise by the end of the month.  Halleluja!

And I’ve found some legal maneuvering I can work to get that dead beat with the program.  That makes me happy.  I don’t like to do it.  I don’t like to be the bitch, but I have to with him. He wants me to.  So I do and I get results.  It is a chore for me, I suppose it goes against my submissive nature.

Ah well.  I didn’t get to talk to Master’s other pet in training tonight. 

Off to bed with me…..got to get up and work out.

Makes Me So Mad I Could Spit

He really is crazy and delusional.   And is still trying to make me out to be the bad person, the worst person in the world.  Still bringing up the fact that I left with the kids.  Get the fuck over it!  But apparently he can’t and I would be ever so delighted if he never got over it and his mind stayed stuck forever.  I hope he will never be able to move on and never be able to stop hating me.  As fucking nice as I’ve beeen, its been my fucking fault and he is still fucking me in the ass without giving me any dick. 

But no more.  He refuses to pay any kind of child support until he is absolutely forced to by the courts just to spite me.  Just point blank, he said he’s not giving me any money because he doesn’t trust that I will use it for the kids.  Hmmmmm, you stupid motherfucker, have you really convinced yourself that I somehow stopped being a good mother when I stopped being your wife.  Guess so.  Maybe he really didn’t think of me as his wife, just the mother of the kids, so when I left the mother left not the wife.  Guess that would explain why he stopped fucking me. 

Anyway, some how, some way I am going to figure out a way for me to play hard ball with him.  This has got to stop.  If the only thing that is important to him is seeing the kids, I may have to put that on hiatus in the near future.  I would never want to do that to the kids but what else am I to do when he refuses to help with one penny.  And of course that mean giving up my free weekends as well.  Either I will have to use the money I save on gas by not having to pick them up in VA for a sitter or suffer with no break indefinitely until he pays…and have to give up other things for me.  Again.

I knew it!

I knew there was a reason I didn’t wear thongs on the regular.  They make me horny.  Not that I am not usually horny and do need to be any more horny during the day. 

And then I wore them for Him and that made me even hornier.  And then I got so horny I had to cum.  And cum I did.  I went into the bathroom, stuck a finger in my ass and rubbed my clit and came.  The “punishment” I got for doing so, sucking my panties clean of my cum, made me horny too.

I knew there was a reason I didn’t wear thongs!

Now…

I have no idea but I was in such a bad mood.  I didn’t wake up that way.  I got up and worked out as Master instructed.

But by the time I was ready to leave the house with the kids, I was foul.  That is not unusual, it is always a struggle to get out the house, but I am usually better by the time I drop them off and head to work (I know it sounds horrible). 
Anyway, my mood didn’t perk up.  Work didn’t help, too much to do, seemingly no one understanding exactly how much I have to do and the fact that I can barely do it while doing so many other things for other people.  Most of the things I have to do are for a few people who keep piling it one  and not realizing, hey if I want that one thing done guess I shouldn’t ask her to do another.

I had to park in the new far away parking lot.  Has to listen to a grumpy shuttle driver.  Barely got things accomplished.

But I did continue to make progress with Master.  W/we now have a meeting date.    I am excited.

Although I get all apprehensive about being able to do everything he wants and be available when he wants I hope we have time to discuss these things.

Oh and another reason I was in a bad mood was because I am so tired of being broke after pay day.  I mean S. really still is acting like he doesn’t need to help me out with the kids, at all.  Supposedly until there is a court order, what kind of shit is that.  Still?  And most people say, oh well don’t let him see the kids, yeah like that’s solving anything besides going agains the custody order.  Its just stupid.  And until my checks for daycare start coming in, I’m going to be in a mood. 
The thing about this lifestyle is that it is all about consent and trust.  Things I don’t have in my life.  I feel I am forced to do things and forced not to do certain things and I am uneasy about trust, not about where it lies but how much is there.

The main reason I am in a mood is most likely PMS.  I hate that shit.  It makes me crazy and emotional and in bad moods and lonely and defeated and hopeless and pissy.  Ewww.  And the thing about me and PMS is that if things are going good for me and I am happy in my heart, PMS doesnt really bother me that much.  So I think to myself sometimes, ahhh all this shit in my life is pissing me off. But in actuality, I need to figure out what is it that makes me happy in my heart to the point where PMS doesn’t bother me?

Sunday, October 8th, 2006

Re-visited.

I was tired beyond belief.  Of course, rest and sleep is something I sacrifice on my free weekends because I usually go out on Saturday nights.  I calculate how many hours of sleep will be acceptable and go with it. 

However, father woke me up rudely.  Great.

Flavor of Love was not the finale.  Fine.

My brother did not come home with my lunch in time, so I had to leave without it.  Peachy.

Got to the pick up point on time. Yea!!!!

Loads of trafffic on the way back.  Fabulous.

So, 5 hours after I left the house, I returned.  With only 5 hours sleep.

Done.

______________________________________

Now about the Partyof10 in MD.

Of course it was fabulous.  Even though all the people are never the same.  There were only 3 couples who I party with on a regular basis, the crowd is the same type of people, so its always cool.

The usuall things went on.  I got to play with my usual about 8-10 people (I do tend to loose count).  Everything was the usual playing.

However, there were 2 surprising things that occured.

1) I met a girl there that is also interested in the D/s lifestyle.  She was very very new to it and it was very obvious.  But it felt good talking to someone, out loud, in public about it.  Coolies.  And she had on a killer outfit that she actually made.  Black corset with red vinyle bra tope and thongs.  I am definitely going to have her make some stuff for me for GL.

2) I know I’ve usually hesitated about pleasing women.  I stuck to the reasoning that my pussy tastes so good, none could compare.  And I just was not into it at the moment.  THat all changed with a woman we shall call V.  I didn’t approach her.  I didn’t have to ask.  We were just talking.  I was talking about how I was taking a break from getting it on with the guys because I hadn’t had any girl time all night. And she took over.  I definitely needed it.  And when we got into it and we 69’d, WOW.  She tasted good (and had a clit ring, wasn’t quite sure what to do with that, but I managed).  She was so pretty and almost the finest girl there and all the guys wanted her (a few had her) but I was very content and smitten with myself for  bangin the hot girl.

So the night ended at the usual 5am and home I went for my few hours of sleep. 

FUCK!

Why the fuck did this friggin thing save my posts, as I was typing, on Saturday like every friggin minute.  But did not save anything last nigt. Fuck!

But hey, should be my fault anyway, I should have checked, instead of writing half asleep and pushing publish then passing out with out viewing the site.  I really have to get it through my thick head, that no matter how good or how unavoidable, excuses are nothing to give to a Master.

Look, this friggin thing is just saving away.  Hope it does so while I re-type yesterdays entry.

Fuck.

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i am…

605-871-804

slaveregister.com