Road Block
Obviously, I have been missing in action.
Halted by life. By myself.
I appreciate the comments that I have received. I did not think anyone besides the gentleman who wished to train me was reading this. Apparently I was wrong. Thank you John and Father.
Now, where am I on my journey. Back to nowhere.
I ended the relationship I was developing with a gentleman who was taking me under consideration, hence this journal. And like most things in my life, I backed out, backed away and didn’t finish what I started. I really did begin to have doubts about the gentleman in question and then I began to doubt myself. Other options were presented and I began to see what was down the detour.
And such a detour has mucked up my focus of what I think I want and need.
In actuality, I believe I am a complicated and simply woman who just happens to like a lot of different things. Which confuses me most times. When I think there is somethign I definitely want and need, something else that I really want and need comes along and makes me question the first.
So here I am. Sitting at nowhere. And the truth of the matter, irrelevant to D/s or vanilla, I am just lonely. This I know for a fact and am worried that it will affect my judgement and the direction I will go in.
November 7, 2006 at 12:13 pm
Please, feel your feeling,
pick up a card : http://www.psychologyofvision.com/RndIfHurts.asp
never let anybody cheating you, live in the present…
the more you expect the less you receive
huggs
November 7, 2006 at 12:14 pm
the card I had just verifying the link is ok….
IF MY RELATIONSHIP FEELS DEAD, THERE IS HIDDEN COMPETITION
Deadness in a relationship hides a subtle, or not so subtle, form of competition. Take a very, very close look because with competition, we consider ourself just a little bit better or more right than our partner. It also has us feel that we are the best one and deserve to be supported in a better way. All of these feelings really hold us back because competition sets up separation. Where there is separation, there is a lack of contact, and this is what creates deadness. As we are willing to move out of competition into co-operation, we naturally move in harmony with our partner.
Today, explore the deadness in your relationship. Be willing to recognise that these are the areas where you are in competition with your partner. Where are you the better one, the best one? Be willing to communicate these to your partner, and let go of them. Commit to your partner so you, your partner, and your relationship move forward.
November 27, 2006 at 8:59 am
I feel the raw emotion in your post. Do not worry, you are not lost….just adrift.
You wrote….”In actuality, I believe I am a complicated and simply woman who just happens to like a lot of different things. Which confuses me most times. When I think there is somethign I definitely want and need, something else that I really want and need comes along and makes me question the first.”
Be easy on yourself, most of us are like that. I know I was like a ping pong ball…bouncing all over the place…before I found my “anchor.” It was the one thing I needed most, and when I found it, many over things, that I thought I wanted or needed, became easier to sort out. When you find yours, you will know.
Do not worry, you are not “sitting at nowhere.” You are EXACTLY where you need to be at this time. I hear your loneliness and it is strong within you….but, this will change. You must learn this….Nothing in life stays the same….good or bad. Just hang on another minute/hour/day.
This isn’t D/s advice….this is life advicr. I’ve been where you are (and, I may be there again….)
Maybe, instead of a master, what you need is a friend….
just a thought.
Take care, little one. It will be ok.
Rayson
February 7, 2007 at 10:17 pm
What proper woman leaves her master?
March 31, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Sensei: Good Marriage advice, but I’m not married or otherwise attached anymore.
Rayson: Thank you very much. I only wish I could thank you somehow in cyberspace.
Marcus: I have never had a Master, so how could I leave one?
June 27, 2007 at 2:57 pm
You haven’t written in ages. I hope all is well with you and you’ve found some happiness. Feel free to email me. The addy is linked to my blog.
June 27, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Oh, by the way, Marcus is an ass and Rayson sounds entirely lovely. Things even out.
November 16, 2007 at 4:32 am
Two new studies show why some people are more attractive for members of the opposite sex than others.
The University of Florida, Florida State University found that physically attractive people almost instantly attract the attention of the interlocutor, sobesednitsy with them, literally, it is difficult to make eye. This conclusion was reached by a series of psychological experiments, which were determined by the people who believe in sending the first seconds after the acquaintance. Here, a curious feature: single, unmarried experimental preferred to look at the guys, beauty opposite sex, and family, people most often by representatives of their sex.
The authors believe that this feature developed a behavior as a result of the evolution: a man trying to find a decent pair to acquire offspring. If this is resolved, he wondered potential rivals. Detailed information about this magazine will be published Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
In turn, a joint study of the Rockefeller University, Rockefeller University and Duke University, Duke University in North Carolina revealed that women are perceived differently by men smell. During experiments studied the perception of women one of the ingredients of male pheromone-androstenona smell, which is contained in urine or sweat.
The results were startling: women are part of this repugnant odor, and the other part is very attractive, resembling the smell of vanilla, and the third group have not felt any smell. The authors argue that the reason is that the differences in the receptor responsible for the olfactory system, from different people are different.
It has long been proven that mammals (including human) odor is one way of attracting the attention of representatives of the opposite sex. A detailed article about the journal Nature will publish.
January 31, 2009 at 1:16 pm
My complements to a wary soul.
At least you tried what you wanted, few people even attempt to try something like this and for that your a brave person, perhaps a bit to good at multi-tasking and running in 10 different ways at once but brave still.
Also from what this journal says that same multi-tasking pays the bills so the real challenge is learning when to turn that off and on.
My advice if this ever is read or not, is to keep writing a journal, many people and I suspect you included, feel better for having written their thoughts out.
(those thoughts don’t always need to be deep dark secrets lol)
If you should need an ear to listen feel free to drop me a line.
Dragonlord712@gmail.com
-Dragon
P.S.
Dupreople, psychology and APPLYING psychology are two vastly different topics.
Atm your talking doctoral professor speak to people and not applying psych ;p
September 14, 2009 at 8:57 pm
interesting blog