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Today was a very good day. A little bit busy at work, but not unproductive.
What was productive was me voicing some of my concerns to Master. And He listened. And He reassured, simply, but to the point. It make me feel so good. Why? I dont know. But it did. Even though after my chat with L. (the other sub) I felt a little discouraged, I think because she came across as overly cautious. But I should not let her attitude influence my journey. Just thought it was weird that she has talked with Master on and off for a few months and yet still hesitant.
Anyhow, the trust that Master built with me today is very significant. Because I know I have been holding myself back emotionally. Usually I jump, or beg, right off the back because I was so needy, so eager. But with my newfound resolve that I really want to give this an honest shot, I feel a little bit of trepidation. I worry that I will fail. I worry that maybe I will get into this and realizing that I was mistaken. Yet I doubt it. My submissive nature is so a part of the being that I am, whether in the lifestyle or not. Then I worry that the One I find may not be the one. Ot it will be less than I expect. I tend to have unrealistic expectations.
Those are just my normal rantings of my mind and I try not to give them tooooooo much thought. But I do try to acknowledge them and try to get past them.
But presently, I am feeling like letting go a little bit more. Trust has been laid down.
Like many things in my life, I have had pretty good judge of character…at least when it came to the most intimate things. And when things have not gone so well, I knew well in advance how it would turn out….unfulfilling.
I am still having a good feeling about Master. I have revisited anything that has been said or done with regret nor have I been taken aback. I really want to experience this lifestyle, embrace this part of me and give it the time, attention and reverance it deserves.
I need to experience this in deed and not just in words.
